'Twas the Night Before MCAT....

Dear Blog Readers (yes I believe that I can make 'reader' plural),

In case you haven't pieced the obvious together I am writing the MCAT tomorrow.

I am desperately trying to be zen about the whole thing, which is proving near futile.

I know that the score tomorrow isn't going to define the rest of my life, and that it will not dictate if I get into med school or where. It may throw a wrench into the "when" part of the equation if I bomb it as I will have to rewrite and reapply (oh JOY!) again next year.

Ahh, next year. I can't even think about that.

This will be the longest and most intense exam I have written to date. So if any of you out there have any vibrant words of encouragement, last minute strategies, personal anecdotes of how you were bombing practice exams and then shone like an Asian prodigy on test day, or tips for what/how much to eat/drink during the 3 alloted 10 minute breaks it would be much appreciated. You can email me at subtleanvil(at)gmail.com if you don't want the blogosphere to know that you soiled yourself on test day but still got into Stanford.

I will spend the rest of the day trying to fight the urge to curl into the fetal position and suck my thumb and/or watch reruns of 'The Office' on my laptop.

1200h MST tomorrow...please send God/Allah/Buddha/Confucius/Mother Earth/Pan/Universe--whatever you believe in--- a shout-out on on my behalf.

Studiously yours,

ABB

P.S Please forgive the double-posting. It's getting down to the wire so I can't justify the time to make two separate postings on MCAT-eve.

Heart Ache

I like to think of myself as a fairly politically minded person, though my personality is one of fence sitting---which I know drives very politically minded people insane.

So I generally keep my opinions to yelling at the radio and spouting undereducated opinions off over wine at small gatherings with my near and dear ones.

I don't want to make my personal blog space the forum for political debate so I mostly keep my politics out, but todays current events have made my heart heavy with sadness and I needed to make a post about our military's ongoing occupation of Afghanistan (I know that is not the word I am supposed to use but clearly that is how some Afghanis see it).

Today three more Canadian soldiers where killed in the Zhari district. The names have not been released, except for one, Sgt. Shawn Eades aged 33. Husband, son, father of two girls aged 7 and 4. These three deaths are on the heels of other Canadians recently killed; Master Cpl. Erin Doyle, Master Cpl. Josh Roberts, and volunteer aid workers Jacqueline Kirk of Montreal and Shirley Case of Williams Lake, B.C.

Sgt. Shawn Eades

Master Cpl. Erin Doyle

Master Cpl. Josh Roberts

Both of my brothers are soldiers. Shandy is a retired infantry L.Col. and Russ is a RSM combat engineer who is also known internationally for his expertise in post blast forensics. They both have done numerous overseas tours and have each spent time in Afghanistan. Both have seen things that have changed them, both have lost comrades. The three that died today were combat engineers from my brothers Battalion.

In the morning my alarm is set to CBC radio so I hear the news first thing. When my brothers are away my stomach leaps to my throat when those early morning broadcasts announce another Canadian death. As soon as I hear from one of my sister-in-laws or the names are released I breathe a sigh of relief. That only lasts a second before it is replaced with guilt, knowing my relief means that suffering has befallen another family, or families.

I support our troops. Think our military is something to be proud of and have not ruled out the possibly of joining myself. But that aside, every time we lose another soldier over there I have to ask the question, for what?

Supporting the troops and thinking they ought to come home are not mutually exclusive sentiments. I believe we ought to cheer when they come home, show them how proud we are of their efforts. But it doesn't change the questions in my mind: what are we dying over there for? Does being a presence there 'free' people who are oppressed by religion and culture that dates back thousands of years?

Or does it only create a stronger resistance? More terrorists? More bombs?

I don't have the answer, nor can I pretend to have enough knowledge on the matters at hand to take any stance other than--will someone please tell me why we are there when NATO's piddly effort shows that most of the world doesn't care. Is it our duty to pick up the slack?

And my other belief...our men and women are losing their lives in a war that isn't ours.

Bring them home. Alive. Not in body bags.

To the families and soldiers that have suffered losses; be it wounds to the spirit, mind, or body, my heart aches for you and my prayers go out to you.

A Cranky Couch Surfer

I am too tired, stressed, and sad to write anything interesting, funny, or engaging right now.

But here is a little post for me to look back on someday and say,

"yes, job well done...you really stuck it out when it seemed like the sky was falling".

Because that is how it feels right now. Falling. Crashing down all around.

It's been one of those weeks where more often than not I say to myself, "what the hell am I doing all of this for?"

Why can't I be settled and happy? Why do I feel like I am doomed to be "always roaming with a hungry heart..."?

What I wouldn't give for a good nights sleep right now. Well not right now. I am trying to memorize all the parts of the citric acid cycle right now.

On the Road Again

Today I was recording on to my ipod some of the 500 pages of biology notes that I have to somehow memorize on top of the 1200 other pages of chemistry and physics notes left to plow through. Please don't take it personally if I have a far off look in my eye or seem somewhat distracted.

Even reading them out loud was nearly putting me to sleep. This does not bode well for the 5 then 9 hours of driving I have ahead of me over the next few days.

As much as I want to make a permanent butt-groove on the kitchen chairs here at K & S's place, I need to hit my former home and pick up a bunch of paperwork, see the gang that I have been missing, and get back on the TransCanada.

Two weeks left 'till MCAT as of tomorrow. Soon I will descend into the cone of silence. All communication lines will be cut until after the 26th. I've been madly writing and rewriting my application letter essays and harassing my referees. The sheer cost alone of applying is mind boggling...just the application fees and mcat alone are starting to run near the 5000$ mark. It's crazy. Crazy. Crazy.

So, if you live in a mountain town that starts with the letter 'R' you'll likely see me peering through your screen door in a couple of days before I turn into a wisp of smoke again.

The Internet is Weird

Okay, you beat me to the punch this time Ry. Consider it a freebie. I "copied" your post theme on my other blog.

Hope you don't mind.

"Aystole" needed some Raffi and some AC Cobra to bring the hits in so....in an act of shameless self promotion...well...read it for yourself...

You can thank me later for the popularity due to the link I posted on Asystole. :)

A Happy BC Day!

To celebrate BC day (okay I didn't even know that was the reason for the holiday) I scampered up 'natures stairmaster' with my pal Craig who happens to be here on the Left Coast as well this week.

We had a leisurely lunch, he named my largest blister "Uncle Fester" and I enjoyed watching the clouds rise up from the valley.

I love this province.

The next day I got up and Kara served me coffee in this mug.
It is kind of hard to make out but that is me on the left and her on the right, we were having a birthday party for our cabbage patch dolls that day.

The bad font in hot pink says, "Friends Forever".
And 25 years later I couldn't be more grateful to have her as a friend, and thankful to her and Stephen for letting me be the house house guest that cries more days than not, works odd hours, has physics texts strewn on the kitchen table at all times, and drinks their coffee.

Still Got "It" Apparently

Kara and I went for a long run today along the sea wall and it was fabulous. Overcast, some scattered misting rain and light winds. I was lovin' it. At the end we stood under an awning to stretch as the rain started coming down with a purpose. Kara darted out from between a couple of cars in front of an oncoming new Subaru Forester. I stopped and waited for said car to pass but he came to a stop and rolled down his window motioning me to go. As I darted across the street he stuck his 30-something-mountain-mannish head out the window and said to me

"you still got it...you STILL got it!"

I howled.

Kara said its the running skirt.

Normally I get all feminist-ranty and belligerent when it comes to cat calling. But there is something about a recent break up that makes you feel slug-like, invisible, and asexual all at the same time. So having some random stranger with a sport-rack on his station wagon tell me that I still "got it" felt pretty darn good.

Headin' for the Himalayas!

Please forgive the double post. I don't know who reads what anymore...

Sent off the deposit today for a month long volunteering trip to the Indian Himalayas. I have to be in Delhi to meet the group on Oct 2nd. I am pretty EXCITED! And a little scared.

I've been longing to go back to India and Nepal since I was there 9 years ago. Ack! 9 years ago? Really??? Oh my. Now I feel old. Or maybe now I realize how young I was....so that was why my mother was having a nervous breakdown for the entire 7 months that I was gone!

They are very clear on the application forms and waivers that one has to be in "top physical shape" as we must get to the villages/settlements on foot, it's not a cushy land-rover-to-destination-trip. One of the passes is almost 14 000ft! Somehow I think it'll be a little more rugged than the last time I was close to that elevation...

And I figure if I am going to be in that neck of the woods, and spend the money and carbon footprint getting there...well....heck maybe I should stick around and head up to Nepal for a few weeks for some more trekking...any takers??

Training starts tomorrow.