The, Like, Doctors of Like, Tomorrow, Like...

The title is probably all that is needed. But I'll elaborate anyway. I just spent the last 3h in a chem lab making estriadol. It was a pretty simple procedure since we were given the estrone needed to do so. But during the lab the two girls who I share the bench isle with became unbearable to me.

One said "thank God there are so many idiots in this class asking stupid questions". Whenever any student did ask a question the two of them would exchange eye rolls or snorts of superiority. That is, of course, between the compulsive checking and texting on their pink razor phones. Maybe they are day traders and premeds, so maybe I shouldn't judge.

Yet Brittney #1 thought it was HILARIOUS that she kept spilling her hexane all over the bench. Hexane stinks, its highly flammable, and extremely volatile which meant I was praying all afternoon (in a hexane vapor cloud) her bunsen burner wouldn't set me and the bench alight.

I didn't think it was hilarious. Nor do I enjoy the fact that one of these girls will likely be doing my moms knee replacement surgery in 10 years. It is such a whack system that forces people to become these uber-achieving-competitive-petty-sociopaths to get INTO medicine, then expects them to suddenly develop a compassionate, patient, and understanding personality of good doctors (whatever that means). And don't give me the "if they are surgeons they don't need to have good bedside manner" because that is a cop out and a load of bull.

Surgeons don't work in a vacuum so why should the rest of us be expected to play nice and be professional and they get off the hook?

But I digress. The bottom line is, after being surrounded by the medical/dental hopefuls for the past year I have developed some major doubts as to the quality of the masses attempting to become doctors. It's scary folks. There is an upside though. I have a nearly photographic memory for faces. And believe me, I have been amassing a composite of wannabeMD's, which, if I ever see them in the hospital, I will hit-the-floor-running-with-my-IV-pole-trailing-behind. Because really, I've seen how they handle things like H2S04 gas and I find it worrisome that some day they'll be making life and death decisions for us all. I must say though, I do wish I could be there the day they realize that sometimes medicine means putting your finger in someones bum.

Oops...I almost did it again!

I was about to write a snarky commentary on the noise level in the library and the fact that complete strangers in my classes seem to want to disclose their grades to me (what is that about anyway?? like I care what Jim Bob got on his chem exam...as if it affects my life one iota)...okay clearly I do need to vent on this for a second...

It is a strange phenomenon that I have yet to figure out, but on a fairly regular basis people ask me what classes I am taking or what I am studying and I wrack my brain with how to answer that.

Scenario 1

Me: "science classes"

Them: "good for you!" in a really patronizing 'women-are-finally-getting-into-science-way' and they look at me with that 'wow-it-must-be-hard-being-a-mature-student-and-going-back-with-no-clue-of-where-your-life-is-taking-you' look, which I abhor.

Scenario 2

Me: I am taking pre requisites for medical school and to preparing for the MCAT exam.

Them: (always--without exception) "It's really hard to get into med school! What are your grades? What is your GPA? The MCAT is realllllly hard".

Okay, at this point I fight the bile in my throat and the urge to respond with an uber sarcastic

-"Really?? I thought (insert med school/MCAT here) was like, super, like easy to like get into/write! OH MY GOD! I am sooo glad I talked to you about this!"

or my other reflexive response

-"I'm sorry, who are you? Do I know you? Why are you asking me my GPA? Are you on the selection committee for Med School X? Since when were my grades your business? Are you trying to suss out the competition or just deflate my dreams?"

Or my personal favorite response which always comes from others who are also planning to go to med school--

"Really? Me too! My GPA is (insert high GPA here), I have been on (insert token volunteer trips abroad here) and have been volunteering at the hospital for (insert X number of years here), my dad is a (insert medical specialty here) and I have been doing research in (insert bio related research here)."

To which I am usually speechless because I am still stunned by the fact that people seem to feel the need to divulge their resume/transcript/volunteer work to me, again, like I care. The key word here is care. The things I care about are, my family, my health, my friends, my patients. Strangely the amount of blankets you brought to the LRT station in the cold snap of 2003 does not fall into any of those categories.

So sometimes to divert the line of questioning from the get go I say something like

Me: I am taking chemistry.

Them: (the ever original) "so you want to spend your life in a lab?"

Me: (inside voice) If it means being sheltered from crass people like yourself, yes.

Me: (outside voice because now I feel defensive) Well actually I want to go into medicine and I need the courses.

Me: (inside voice) SHIT! cover blown! Retreat! RETREAT!!

Them: see scenario 2.

Twice, and only twice has the response (other than from my friends) varied from above script. I know that for sure because both times caught me sooooo off guard that they will forever stand out in my memory.

Once at GMCC the information desk when I was asking where a class was and the woman asked me why I was taking physics and chemistry...I told her...

Her response:

"WOW! Good for you! That is great! We need more female doctors. Good luck to you! Don't lose sight of your goal".

Me: Faint with shock lying on floor staring around trying to figure out when I slipped into an alternate universe.

and just the other day...from a friends wife...again a very positive and supportive response...

It was nice. It was what I needed that day. I was starting to lose any hope that someday I could have a conversation about school that didn't make me want to gouge out my eyes.

Is it just that people lack tact? Manners? Boundaries?

When I ran this post by John he told me it was very "pre-med like" so I guess the joke is on me. I am just as obnoxious as the rest of them...funny that eh? Isn't there some saying about what we hate most in others is what we hate most in ourselves....gonna have to mull on that one a while I think...

Some Funny Things I Overheard Today

Not joking, I honestly overheard these phrases today while at the institute of higher learning:

-So, I had to totally hold Jaime back cuz she was totally going to fight that girl!

-Like, I've done like significant figures before, but never like this!

-It's my mom's 40th birthday this weekend!

-And then I almost fell off the speaker!

Pure live entertainment. At only 1500$ a semester, it's a steal.

Everyone's Addicted to Something

And yes, I am addicted to posting vids on my blog now. All the kids are doing it these days. Oh and speaking of the kids...last week when I was handing in my physics assignment I was standing in the front of the class and TWO, not one, but TWO students came up and asked me if I was "subbing" that day!
Subbing. That's awesome. Am I that nerdy looking? Maybe I should crack out my yellow walkman from '89 and blast the Corey Hart. Well, maybe that is going to be cool again soon when the Facebook/Cellphone/Texting backlash happens. God I wish it would happen now. I mean what is 'Jessica' texting during the entire Physics class anyway? What is soooooo important it can't wait 1h and 20mins. Is she running a real estate company as well as being a 1st year? Is she into insider trading? Maybe she got a tip on some developing pharmaceutical in San Diego...Whatever it is, can't it wait? Is the eyeshadow sale at MAC really THAT urgent? Kids these days. No respect I tell you.

Are you a faculty member or a student?

Ouch. Now there was my first "you know you're an adult learner when" moment at the U of A this summer. Needing to activate my defunct student ID I had to head over to the computing services department and ask for a new password.

"Are you a faculty member or a student?" Was what I got. Wow. Things were feeling a bit like too tight underwear already but that really cinched it. Okay, so my youthful exuberance (ahem!) did nothing to hide the fact that I was either a returning student or keener faculty member.

I have to admit to some moments of insecurity and fish out of water sensations with my fellow organic chem classmates (or "o-chem" as the kids are calling it these days).

For starters most of them were well under the age of 25, I whined to my mother "My lab partner looks like she's 17" to which she replied with her deadpan version of comfort "that is because she is Erin".

Right.

Clearly I am out of sync with fashion, the whole legging thing really threw me off. I thought the girls were wearing skirts with 3/4 length leggings under because of the "no bare legs" rule in the lab. But no. Even on no lab days it was a trend that jerked me back to high school girls when I was in elementary school--where have all the feathered bangs gone though? is the question.

No more visa on campus either. HELLO! Some of us are working on aeroplan miles here people. When I complained to the chem store guy asking him "what kind of university is this?" he replied "welcome to the university of life--well I guess you've been going to that university for a while". HARSH! And then refused to believe that he didn't need to sell me the special lab goggles that go over glasses/contacts.

I hiss in his general direction.

But not only has the uni changed I guess, so have I. I remember my former schedule when I was doing my undergrad:
-wake up at last possible minute, pull clean-ish clothes off floor, apply toque to head and eat coffee for breakfast....arrive last, leave first. Spend as little time as possible on campus.
-go home, put on cleaner clothes, go to live music venue and drink rusty nails all night...except on the nights when I was waitressing--or the night before term paper due, only a few hours of rusty nail drinking, then paper writing until 7 am.

This time around it looked more like:
-rise at 5:45, eat breakfast in car while driving 45 mins to uni. Meet with tutor for 2 hours before class, review notes, drink excessive amounts of T-Ho's. Go to pre-class help session for 1h before class. Sit in lecture then lab for next 6.5h. Do homework at uni, study. Do extra questions. Work on lab. Study for quiz next day. eat dinner somewhere in there. Pass out on bed totally sober and depressed after midnight. Repeat.

I see the live shows advertised--Z-trip was playing the second week I was there. Last time I would have partied all night and recovered for three days after. This time for me the only Z-trip I saw was more than 5 hours of hydrogen-bond-breaking in-my-sleep-shut-eye.

Other new exciting differences that I noticed were--that I drive the same car that some of the kids in my class get dropped off by their mom in.
--I associated more easily with my prof and T.A's than with my fellow classmates. I also dress more like the profs than my classmates. Comfortable shoes are sooo out this year!

All in all it was an amazing challenge for me--the nerd in the front row with the dictaphone and multi-colored highlighters.

There was one rant which I posted on a certain social interface page which I will post here for those that missed my steam-let-off moment in the Central Academic Building.

Don't Reflux H2SO4 With Your Shirt Off
Okay seriously. It is sad. I am in this organic chem class right now with a bunch of tweens and yes I have been feeling a touch old....bitter...jaded. Well no, I have just been feeling like the adult learner that I am. A nerd. Who sits in the front row everyday, records the lectures, does all the homework, has a tutor, does the supplemental learning, studies everyday...

I realised that I have turned into one of those people I used to make fun of (who me?) in my undergrad. The dreaded keener-adult-learner. Well, I am not at the powerpoint making, pamphlet handing out stage of the game yet but GIMME TIME!

But seriously girls what is with the cleavage in the chem lab?? I mean really. This isn't a jealously thing either. I am perfectly secure when it comes to my twins. Honestly though, I mean--use your born-in-the-nineties brain! We are heating, distilling, mixing things like CONCENTRATED HYDROCHLORIC ACID and SULFURIC ACID! We're not baking a cake here gals! Have you heard the expression "don't fry bacon with your shirt off??" Try this one "Don't reflux hydrosulfuric acid with your tits out!"

I know, I know. Then how ever will you catch the eye of one of the dozens of pre-med guys? Wellllllll sweetie if you've got hamburger for a chest d'ya think he's going to want to be your lab partner? Think about it.

Anyway, I am done my rant/public safety announcement for the night. Gotta get back to the riveting chapter on the "properties of enantiomers". I feel a powerpoint coming on........