Homesick

I am making chicken marbella tonight to marinate for tomorrows dinner. Tobie gets back from New York and I wanted to have something nice prepared.

That recipe totally reminds me of Revelstoke, the house on 7th St., and post-skiing meals when Saak and Hank were living with us and we'd end up having these random dinner parties.

Preparing the dish tonight made me homesick for Revvy and all the wonderful people, babies, ski slopes, mountain views. I love how food has such a strong memory association. 

I really miss you guys. 

Sending a big hug out to my peeps back home, wish you were all going to be here tomorrow night with me to enjoy.

xo,

ABB

You Guys Are The Best

Thanks so much for all the words of encouragement in comments and emails!

I am such a whiner! Sigh.

But if I didn't whine then I wouldn't learn catchy phrases like "Bugger Canada right up the bugger pipe", and life would somehow be less hilarious. Thanks Ry.

Yes Canada is being dumb dumb dumb and yes it is just another hurdle. But I am reminded of how many things I have to be thankful for in this life and if my greatest hardship is living away from Canada or having to continue training in Auz, NZ, UK, or US then really I have very little to complain about and should be happy. It does fell like Canada is further and further away on the horizon though, which is a bit of a throat lumper. AMG--just think of the vacation opportunities depending on where I end up!

I made the decision to undertake this, no one held a gun to my head (well except that one time when John was really drunk and he thought I was a squirrel...but I digress...kidding).

Unfortunately the NWT, NU and Yukon do not have medical residency programs per se as there are no schools up there...their affiliations with students are all through southern universities---though that does seem like a no brainer, it's true....no doctors for 20 000sq km? How about a few residents then to mind the fort?

In other news, life here continues to trundle along. I am debating a race in May...the knee (she spits in corner) is constantly teetering on the edge of functional to painful and I don't know if training would be a good thing or a bad thing.  Still enjoying weights and fitness classes though I do feel like a complete doofus when I have to sit out (or drop the weights) for anything that involves bending the Rt knee (spits in corner) while the 75 year old lady who came in on a walker is doing her 50th squat with a bar slung behind her neck.

I mentioned on Asystole that this week was kinda tough as our patient was a heart attack who eventually died day 4 post M.I. During the class when we were discussing the sudden death I felt myself getting upset and made a trip to the loo to collect myself. I never get upset usually when thinking about/talking about/learning about/treating M.I patients (even though that is how my dad died) so it did take me a little off guard.

I was actually glad that I still have that soft spot there though, it's normal (and healthy) I think to get upset over upsetting things (despite what our medical education teaches us). I was fine after a few minutes and went back to finish the class. Our case this week is a 30 wk premie baby so that will be a nice change to the opposite side of the universe.

Tobie is in NY, NY for a concert with the Irish Chamber Orchestra this week. Of course I miss him but having him gone will give me a chance to catch up on some things and start the daunting task of making new notes again from last semester (lost everything on memory stick last week).  I do wish I could have gone to NY for a week for a holiday but....maybe in 10 years when I have an income again. :)

Anyway, thanks again for all the support...I am done having my little on-line temper tantrum (for now).

Here's to 'what doesn't kill you makes you stronger'.

Just Imagine...

...What it would be like if we could close our eyes, just for a moment...and when we opened them, all the happiness and light and beauty that cancer has taken away...was suddenly returned to our planet.

All the scars disappeared.

All the lines of worry and pain, smoothed.

All the hair grown back.

Bellies eager for food.

Families whole again, graduations attended, brides given away, first steps witnessed.

Just imagine.

Babes having Babies

Ok so I have been majorly wrapped up in all this silly drama about finances etc. which has kept me from reporting that two of my dear friends have just had babies!

AMG and Ryan had little Nicholas on the 14th of April (thank you for that easy to remember date!) Word on the street is he's moved out of the squeaking/sleeping phase and has found his lungs. To think, when I met that girl she was husbandless and childless...my how things change in a short amount of time! What always amazes me is my friends' abilities to transition so casually into these brilliant parents who have wonderful children. I am sure my babies would be these wild feral creatures, walking around with a little stick on their shoulder, handkerchief of belongings secured to one end--just like their mother. Tobin seems to be taking the big brother role like a champ as well, which is great. It was really nice to get to spend some time with the Gill's on the days leading up to and after the arrival of the initially nameless one.

AnnaB and Luc...and baby Max. Where to start?? I think it is best to read the ordeal they've been through in their own words. They've set up a great blog documenting Max's birth story.
In a nutshell, I am sure it has been the most incredible emotional roller coaster of their lives, only now settling down to normalized concerns like diaper-changing technique and when Max gets to have his next bath. Again I am in awe of my friends and their capacity to be strong and supportive to each other in such a time of crisis. Anna and Luc are so rock solid it is unbelievable. Max is adorable, not to mention the biggest, healthiest baby I have ever seen in a NICU. It was so nice to get to spend a wee bit of time with them yesterday as they regaled to me their past week and a half of upheavals and triumphs. As I heard about the meconium, the chest tube, and Anna's complications, my heart went out to them--but also the medical staff as well.

When births go badly in rural settings it is nothing short of terrifying for the staff involved. I can speak with a tiny bit of experience on that one. I am happy to hear that Anna and Luc have nothing but very positive things to say about the care they received all along the way.

And so, it must be said that it is wonderful to see babies brought into the world, arriving into the arms of such loving, intelligent, funny, caring, worldy, talented parents. I am so happy for them and proud of what amazing people I get to call--friends.

Goodbye Beautiful Friend

My apologies for all the double postings lately. Seems lately the theme in my life is living and dying--and the gray area that exists within those definitions. It is not a theme I want to run from, it is memories, experiences, and perspectives I am trying to learn from.

This week was the anniversary of my fathers death. Then, my first shift back at work ended up becoming a chaotic mix of emotions when a young woman arrested in front of me and we spent almost 2 hours resuscitating her.

And finally, I returned to Victoria just in time to say one last goodbye to Jody before she took her final breath.

Of course all of these events have shone light on my beliefs about mortality---as well as quality of life and death. I am sure all of this forced introspection will stir up a few postings soon. In the meantime, I'm going to enjoy the rain.

Final Days

It's no secret that I love Revy. A couple of weeks ago I went home and spent a few days sadly packing up my things to put into storage. It's hard to pack up when you don't know when and where you'll be unpacking.

To procrastinate, I went for one last road ride.

Finally, everything was done. And we loaded up James' jeep, Peanut, and the Cosmic Valise. I moseyed over to the storage space and that was that. A month ago I had a nice little house in the mountains. Now I have a swank storage space. Amazing how things change. I suppose the house didn't really anchor me, but with that gone I do feel like I am floating up...up...and away. No idea where I'll land when I get back from India. So far I am leaving the work thing open as I am still hoping to go to Whitehorse this winter. Time will tell. Looking at everything in there certainly makes me wonder...what is really worth keeping? Some of those boxes haven't even been opened since they were in storage in Victoria. I feel a purge coming on with my next move.

Does anyone have a gasoline soaked rag and a match??

As a final insult to the melancholy feeling of leaving a rainbow appeared. Yes. Like I didn't already know that this town was where the friggin' rainbow ended.
Sheesh.

Thankfully, Luc and Anna hosted a wicked jam that night and I proceeded to sing my troubles away. I couldn't have asked for a better send of. There were many fabulous musicians there that evening and I was pleased to have the opportunity to chuck along with them.

And so begins the next chapter.

Life Actually

Two weekends ago James, Verena, Aaron, Simone, unborn child (currently residing in Simone) and I went on a weekend jaunt to the mountains near Nakusp. It was a great way to come down from the stress of the last month, er...months, er... year...

I am useless when it comes to knowing where I am, knowing what to pack, knowing what plants could kill me, knowing if I should drink the water or not...this is where James and Verena really came in handy.

They did the map reading.

Okay, we all make mistakes.

Still looking for the trail head...

Eventually we did find it. And we were off. There were many jokes made regarding my poor packing abilities, as demonstrated by the multitude of things hanging off of my pack. Really, it had nothing to do with trying to be cool looking (though I did wish I would have brought an ice screw to hang off the side of my pack, just in case...) No, it was more to do with the fact that once the snow pants, down jacket, rain gear, sleeping bag, spare runners, and food were in, there was little room left for the tent and extra food divvied up at the last minute...Laugh all you want, I DID get an "A" in PE James!!! :)

I think this was James pointing out my ability to build a spacious lean-to with only twigs and moss...

Observe, Newlyus weddus.
Rarely seen in captivity. Though do seem to thrive in National Parks.
Often try to blend with surroundings whilst eating their prey...

More pointing.

We did get some great views...

Okay...you get the drift.

Just one more...

Efficient wood collection.

Okay, I'll stop now for real.

Simone in her racy rain gear. Meeeaaoowww!

We didn't let the cold temperatures and rain keep us from rockin' out (or rather, folkin' out).

Ahhh..down jackets under rain jackets...are we in BC?

We sort of dropped the ball on the fact that it was the long weekend and the ferry would likely take forever...but...the long line didn't stop us from enjoying ourselves.

Another roadside attraction.
(And a chance to dry the orthotics.)

Verena's violin carried down to the water, serenading near and far.

Fin.

A Happy BC Day!

To celebrate BC day (okay I didn't even know that was the reason for the holiday) I scampered up 'natures stairmaster' with my pal Craig who happens to be here on the Left Coast as well this week.

We had a leisurely lunch, he named my largest blister "Uncle Fester" and I enjoyed watching the clouds rise up from the valley.

I love this province.

The next day I got up and Kara served me coffee in this mug.
It is kind of hard to make out but that is me on the left and her on the right, we were having a birthday party for our cabbage patch dolls that day.

The bad font in hot pink says, "Friends Forever".
And 25 years later I couldn't be more grateful to have her as a friend, and thankful to her and Stephen for letting me be the house house guest that cries more days than not, works odd hours, has physics texts strewn on the kitchen table at all times, and drinks their coffee.

Kitchen Counsel

I have been working nights the past two weeks. And it has been smoking hot here. And life is in a shambles. Which has caused me to turn to the place where I can focus my mind and channel my turmoil into good things, delicious offerings...the kitchen.

I figured it would be a nice treat to make dinner every night for my friends that I am currently staying with...a trade of sorts.
The meals have so far included: BBQ peaches, shrimp, and bok choy drizzled with a spicy peanut peach sauce over rice...another night I tweaked the fig, gorgonzola, prosciutto, roasted garlic, caramelized onion pizza served with warm asparagus and rocket salad, topped with sweet shallot vinaigrette and grated pecorino. Then there was the chicken and spicy turkey sausage cacciatore, which had simmered in red wine, fresh basil, garlic, and sweet organic grape tomatoes...oh that was a good one. I am definitely going to work on that one.

But on Saturday Kara and I took a mental health day and went to the ocean, picnicked at the harbor and walked along the sea wall for almost three hours.

We had some good laughs.

And attempted to take flight.

It was great. And let me tell you I will definitely be stealing the cilantro crème fraiche idea. Oh yeah. Note white dipping sauce. The truffle mashed potatoes were nothing to sneeze at either.
And yes, the Sangria was delicious. Although...I think mine is better. The secret is elderflower cordial. I guess that makes it not a secret. Now three more people know how I make my Sangria.

Two therapeutic hours in an amazing organic market downtown and I nearly felt human again.

Our loot.

But the best. The best part of the day was finding some fresh smoked black cod. Kara gave me the "am I going to need to give you an olanzapine wafer?" look when I started jumping up and down at the discovery of the white-fleshed treasure.

Albinoblackbear's Fish Rub (mostly to be used with the elusive fresh black cod fillet)

1/2 cup brown sugar
2 tsp sweet paprika
2 tsp chili powder
1-2 tbsp coarse sea salt
pinch of smoked salt
1 tbsp garlic powder
2 tsp cumin

Pat fillets dry. Rub. Then rub with rub. Throw in oven on low broil until brown sugar is starting to caramelize. Then drop heat to 350 F until fish is cooked through (keep checking because you don't want to overdo it).

Warm Shallot Dressing à la Yowza

3 shallots diced so fine you can hardly handle it
1/2 cup olive oil
2 tbsp grainy mustard
3 tbsp brown sugar
1/2 cup cider vinegar
pinch of sambal olek (or rather--tiny dollop)
2 tsp dry mustard

Mix everything up, fry on low heat until shallots are translucent. Add 150g of fine Italian prosciutto, warm briefly. Add handfuls and handfuls of spinach and toss until wilted.
Throw in a bowl with some non-wilted spinach. Maybe a wee bit of feta.

Serve with the cod and be prepared for marriage proposals.
Or at least very happy house mates.


*All measurements are total guesses. Well, educated guesses. But guesses nonetheless. Taste everything as you go along and adjust.

Ta Ta For Now

It is absolutely pouring outside. I am packing up my car to drive to the coast for a couple (few?) weeks and realizing that this time I didn't even get a chance to unpack my duffel completely before having to fill it up again.

I do chuckle at the few creature comforts I bring with me everywhere. Like an old lady-I have my tempurpedic pillow, like an OCD insomniac a fan for white noise. Got my 4 pairs of running shoes, about 11 books I hope to get through, my favorite tank top that I sleep in, a thermos full of (and several boxes of ) my favorite tea, cue cards, study guides...

I am feeling a bit down. I spent some time on Cute Overload and Fail Blog to cheer me up. And then I gave my head a shake. (Not because I was wasting time on blogs when I should have been studying...) No, I gave my head a shake because though everything feels so uncertain I know I have a lot to be thankful for.

All of my friends here are so good to me. James and Verena have essentially been feeding and watering me since I came home on Monday, when I got home from their place there was a tin foil package and a note tucked into my door. It was at that exact moment I knew I lived in an amazing community.

It was late, and I was coming home to a dark house. A bit sad and lonely and there was this little food offering. I smiled and thought, hmmm....I wonder who this came from? Because it could have been so many people! I wasn't thinking 'oh , that must be so-and-so dropping off food again' I was running through all my peeps here, Sylvia? Ann Marie? Mandy? Anna? Alice?

A thoughtful gesture from Alice, in fact, which showed me the thoughtful nature of everyone in our group. It's nice to feel loved.

Which is part of the reason why it will be so hard to leave R-town.

For now I am working a 2 week contract out west, then hoping to find a little place to hide for the next month while I cram for the MCAT. After that I have no idea where I will go for work or where I will live. It's a bit overwhelming so I try not to think about it. If housing works out here maybe I will stay, but with the resort here now buying another house is just not possible and the rental market is dismal. I'm too old and in need of my own kitchen for a roommate....so we'll see.

Anna, Verena, and I had a great ride yesterday. My first outing back on the trails and I was definitely feeling the fear as the ride is a bit more eroded, especially around the plank bridges. A few more wee drops to contend with. I am such a wussie for my first few (5, 15, 25) times out on trails each summer. I realized part way through that I had been putting the DEATH grip on my handle bars when negotiating the hills and bridges so I eased up a bit but still felt my legs shaking partly out of fear and partly out of fatigue. Then noticed at the end that I had completely cranked down my front suspension for a town trip a couple of weeks ago. Hence the parasthesia in both my forearms at the end! Whoops. Still a bit zingy today. Got back to the Cozy Cabin to find James had whipped up a pasta carbonara. It was delicious. In our muddied bike attire we enjoyed the last of the white wine from their wedding and a taste of Ravens Wood Zinfandel before heading home for the night.

It's those kind of nights which make this time and place perfect. And make it hard to pull myself away.

Proud to Call Her "Friend"

I am certainly one of those people that is blessed with friends and family that motivate and inspire me. The good peeps in my life are always amazing me with their feats and accomplishments. I could go into a litany of examples but for the sake of brevity let me just make a

BIG SHOUT OUT TO ANN MARIE FOR WINNING THE CALGARY MARATHON!!!!!!!!

Yep. My homegirl, AMG, despite having a completely torn ACL since December, and despite the fact that she's only run 2 previous marathons EVER bagged first place with a time of 3:08.

So way to go girl. Everyone is so proud of you! I've been bragging to random people I come across...you know...the guy at the gas station, the girl bagging my groceries, etc.

Check out the hilarious and awesome posting on their blog about her victory.

Congrats girl. Way to set the bar so high that most of us can't even see it now!!!

(Just promise you'll remember the little people...heck I have proof that "I knew you when"--note the photo with iceberg in the background on right corner of this page :)

Wedding Bells

So this weekend was Nature Nerd and Dr. Sno's wedding.

Now normally Albinoblackbears become recluse when such events occur, but really how could anyone miss a weekend long wedding held at an organic, biodynamic, brewery? Especially when said brewery produces my favorite stout, The Back Hand of God. So off to Sorrento it was and into the lap of the Crannóg farm.

Many moons ago I offered to be in charge of the food because I love food and it seemed like the only way I could really be of help.
It wasn't a huge task as it was a pot luck and all I basically had to do was hang out in the kitchen, cook my contribution, and boss people around. Three things I like doing at social gatherings anyway.

Note that the folks in the kitchen knew not to look me in the eye, and wisely called me only "Kitchen Master".
Okay, some of them looked me in the eye. And not everyone called me "Kitchen Master".

I still haven't decided which is hotter...men in skirts...
or

men doing dishes...
Good thing there were no men in skirts doing dishes....

All in all it was a fabulous weekend. Everything seemed to go off without a hitch. Best Man gave BEST best man speech ever, photos were great, band was awesome, beer was delicious, weather was pristine and the back seat of my car proved itself a worthy sleeping vessel.

The happy couple with Best Man and Best Woman.

The not so happy pig.

Awakening Our Inner Rednecks

Oh Lordy.

All we've heard about here in Our Town for the past couple weeks is "Man party this" and "Man party that", "James' stag this" and "James' stag that". The female counterparts have been subject to cryptic references to said night of camping, naked skiing, mud wrestling, gun shooting and knife throwing. Blood was drawn, dog bites were received, first aid kits were opened. We heard about the all-meat meals and the 'one guy who brought a vegetable' which was divided amongst the group (the vegetable, not the guy who brought the vegetable). And there was a silent ante which was raised to see what we'd do for Verena's staggette.

Though most of the guys figured we'd have the most fun tickling each other in our panties with rollers in our hair (whilst singing 'Beauty School Dropout') we had different things in mind.

Like gourmet food.
(OK some of you may not think that pureed doritos are classified as 'gourmet' but when that becomes home made chicken nuggets from AMG's nimble fingers, I dare you to question their gourmet nature)
Menu included: fig, Gorgonzola, caramelized onion and prosciutto pizza, risotto balls with Parmesan, smoked salmon and creme fraiche crisps, white chocolate saffron and cardamom truffles with pistachios, preccorino cheese with truffles, mascarpone with blue cheese threads, salad rolls with beet and asparagus, three cheese pizza, home made chicken nuggets, spicy dried olives, apricot and chile crackers, fresh antipasto, spiced eggplant, edamame, berry and yogurt cups, oh I could go on...


And wine.

And sangria.

And Bride-To-Be-Ninja-Snipers.
And normally docile marathoners shooting from the hip.

Howling at the moon.
Hey! Nice Fluvogs!

Note how the rarely seen in the wild Nature Nerd blends in with her background...floral skirt nearly imperceivable, and black top blending into the blanket of night...When she bares her teeth like that look out!! This is often followed by the sound of the mating giggle...

And then we did some gymnastics.

And some more.

And we drank scotch and took pictures of ourselves.

We also pulled each other around in a little red wagon.

And laughed at the people being pulled around in a little red wagon.

And there were moments when I'd thought we'd suddenly ended up on the Jerry Springer Show.

Some of us succeeded at handstands...

Some of us failed.

Some of us won wheelbarrow races...

And some of us didn't even make it to the start line...

And some of us simply seemed destined to spend most of the evening on that dewy grass...
Is that Mandy saying "You don't know me??"

Then we moved on to post-op wrestling...

And sampling of fine spirits...

or perhaps not so fine?

Epilogue.

(for the record the gun wasn't loaded...and neither were we...)