So, as some of you may have noticed, I am rarely updating this blog anymore.
I feel a bit torn about how I ought to split up the information I put on Asystole vs OTB. Mostly I feel like my life revolves around medical school, medicine, nursing, and from time to time some living outside those realms. So for the most part I want to post on Asystole, which makes OTB the forgotten older sister.
I have had mixed emotions as well about putting private info up on the blog, even though I truly started this whole endeavor as a journal for myself, never imagining that anyone else would ever read it. Now that I feel somewhat obligated to my profession-to-be I wonder how appropriate it is to discuss road trips or heartache on a site linked to my medical life. If I could simply separate the two I would. More and more these days I am wanting to write about my feelings of isolation, challenges I am facing, new chapters opening, old ones closing...and I wonder how much the general population needs to be exposed/bored by this.
To make a long story short, I've decided to make OTB a private blog. That being said, if any of you are still interested in where this side road leads please let me know and I will be more than happy to send you an invite. I just want to have some idea of who is still reading my personal drivel. It doesn't mean I won't post private-ish type things on Asystole, but at least I have somewhere a little more secluded for those days when I just want to write about how homesick I am.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Thursday, October 1, 2009
And Now....For Some Visuals
So I am finally putting up a few recent pics. To start...myself and 3 of my nursey pals took a road trip to Hyder, Alaska. This was near the end of my stint in northern BC and I was really feeling like I'd regret it if I didn't make the trek across the border and get "Hyderized" (this is drinking a shot of 150 proof booze...yes I did it...and yes I cut a sweet rug on the dance floor after). It was about 35 degrees the day we drove up so it made stopping along the way to jump in various lakes and rivers a necessity (I don't normally drive in a bathing suit...but desperate times...).
Below is one of the Grizzlies we got to see during the salmon run in Fish Creek...it was about a 3 year old so not very big but still a beautiful and breathtaking creature to behold. It was my first time ever seeing one and I was surprised at what a thrill it was.
And then I started studying 'doctorology' as I like to call it.
Below here is the Living Bridge, which is a stunning connector between the main part of campus and the residential area that most of us live in (as well as where future med sci building will be). Runs over the River Shannon, quite lovely...
The lovely ladies that I memorize inner ear structures with. Kristina, Kristine, Catherine, Anna, and yours truly (Anna was impressed that she managed to get me in a dress that night).
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
I am a Lazy Double Poster...
I know, I know...double posting is LAZY. But really...Asystole appears to be taking over as my main blog...I sometimes wonder if I should just put it on ice and only have that one now..
Hmmm...
In the meantime, until I decide...
I can't believe I am actually here.
The goal of getting to this place seemed so very very far off that for a long time I hardly lifted my head to look up and see how many more stairs there were to the top. I would just focus on the two or three ones directly in my line of vision...keep my head down, and push on.
I remember very clearly talking to Vern about it one day on a walk in Revelstoke. It was the summer I first moved there and I could feel the contemplation stage of change slowly working it's way into action. I told her that at some time I'd have to give up work completely, move somewhere with a university, take 8 or so prerequisites, write the MCAT, apply to schools, then wait almost a year to find out if I was accepted or not.
She was also looking into a long application process at the same time, applying to school in Scotland to undertake her masters. We both sorta shook our heads at how daunting it all was.
Today I got to sit in a lecture room and look at my fellow classmates for the next 4 years. I've been so lucky since my arrival (save for the baggage incident) to have connected with some very amazing folks in my class. Musicians, chefs, dancers, researchers, engineers...we're all meshing into these interesting combinations. Our res unit of 4 has basically become the meeting point for our group of friends from res. We've already had two late night jams, "Flight of the Conchords" showings, big group meals, and kitchen partying--and it's only been 5 days. My roommates are first years as well, and though they are a few years younger than me, it hasn't seemed weird. Just funny more than anything else...like watching my one roommate figure out how to make a sandwich after coming home from the bar.
It was a long day of orientation today, and though I had ants in my pants after sitting for so many hours (8!) I must admit I was on the edge of my seat as they talked about clinical skills, labs, textbooks, the PBL groups, and our eventual hospital rotations. Next week we will be assigned our patients from the 'early patient contact program' which involves us following a prenatal woman from now through to 3rd year as she goes through the pregnancy and eventual birth/growth and development of the child. We're also being assigned a patient with a chronic disease who we will also be paired with until 3rd year. We'll be expected to attend hospital visits/doctor appointments/home visits with these patients...and be another resource for them as they work their way through the system. I am very excited to meet these people who will be a big part of my learning for the next 2 years.
After orientation we had a quick snack and headed out to the pub for a medical society social event. This was an event for 1-3rd years which included a life sized (timed) game of 'operation' as well as the normal mini version. I was terrible at the life sized one and wouldn't have come close to the top time even if I hadn't been buzzed out after 16 seconds. Instead of claiming fame and status with a win, I ate two free hotdogs (apparently my 'mystery meat' rule doesn't apply in Ireland) and drank some Guinness. The hot dog guy said that evidently I wasn't going to be a surgeon (I told him maybe I'd just be a slow one...) Came back to our place and had another jam session with my two new music-playing pals, drank some tea, and then called it a night.
It's strange to be in place finally. In the place that has been so far off in the distance for so long. It is also lovely to be able to embrace the now--feel that my life has truly gone to the place it was meant to go, at the time it was meant to happen, and with the people I was meant to be surrounded by.
Sláinte!
Hmmm...
In the meantime, until I decide...
I can't believe I am actually here.
The goal of getting to this place seemed so very very far off that for a long time I hardly lifted my head to look up and see how many more stairs there were to the top. I would just focus on the two or three ones directly in my line of vision...keep my head down, and push on.
I remember very clearly talking to Vern about it one day on a walk in Revelstoke. It was the summer I first moved there and I could feel the contemplation stage of change slowly working it's way into action. I told her that at some time I'd have to give up work completely, move somewhere with a university, take 8 or so prerequisites, write the MCAT, apply to schools, then wait almost a year to find out if I was accepted or not.
She was also looking into a long application process at the same time, applying to school in Scotland to undertake her masters. We both sorta shook our heads at how daunting it all was.
Today I got to sit in a lecture room and look at my fellow classmates for the next 4 years. I've been so lucky since my arrival (save for the baggage incident) to have connected with some very amazing folks in my class. Musicians, chefs, dancers, researchers, engineers...we're all meshing into these interesting combinations. Our res unit of 4 has basically become the meeting point for our group of friends from res. We've already had two late night jams, "Flight of the Conchords" showings, big group meals, and kitchen partying--and it's only been 5 days. My roommates are first years as well, and though they are a few years younger than me, it hasn't seemed weird. Just funny more than anything else...like watching my one roommate figure out how to make a sandwich after coming home from the bar.
It was a long day of orientation today, and though I had ants in my pants after sitting for so many hours (8!) I must admit I was on the edge of my seat as they talked about clinical skills, labs, textbooks, the PBL groups, and our eventual hospital rotations. Next week we will be assigned our patients from the 'early patient contact program' which involves us following a prenatal woman from now through to 3rd year as she goes through the pregnancy and eventual birth/growth and development of the child. We're also being assigned a patient with a chronic disease who we will also be paired with until 3rd year. We'll be expected to attend hospital visits/doctor appointments/home visits with these patients...and be another resource for them as they work their way through the system. I am very excited to meet these people who will be a big part of my learning for the next 2 years.
After orientation we had a quick snack and headed out to the pub for a medical society social event. This was an event for 1-3rd years which included a life sized (timed) game of 'operation' as well as the normal mini version. I was terrible at the life sized one and wouldn't have come close to the top time even if I hadn't been buzzed out after 16 seconds. Instead of claiming fame and status with a win, I ate two free hotdogs (apparently my 'mystery meat' rule doesn't apply in Ireland) and drank some Guinness. The hot dog guy said that evidently I wasn't going to be a surgeon (I told him maybe I'd just be a slow one...) Came back to our place and had another jam session with my two new music-playing pals, drank some tea, and then called it a night.
It's strange to be in place finally. In the place that has been so far off in the distance for so long. It is also lovely to be able to embrace the now--feel that my life has truly gone to the place it was meant to go, at the time it was meant to happen, and with the people I was meant to be surrounded by.
Sláinte!
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Canada D'eh!
To celebrate Canada Day, my occasional housemates Kara and Stephen suggested we go for a hike in our neck of the woods. I thought that was a dandy idea. My knee has been doing well since I've stopped running/biking for the past 7 weeks so hiking has been an option again. On Tuesday Kara and I did a mini hike up Teapot and my knee was fine so we gassed up the 4X4 and headed off to Mt. Cheam on July 1st.Super crazy logging road to the trail head, but the nice thing was not having to slog through the miles and miles of dense forest to start getting some views. Still plenty of snow around in the alpine we enjoyed amazing views of the Fraser Valley, the Fraser River, Mt. Baker and even Harrison Lake from the summit. On the way up we came across a couple in their 70's on their way down, the husband had a giant Canadian flag tied to his pack like a cape and they were all smiles and 'HAPPY CANADA DAY!!!' as they passed.
I feel like I have been trying to memorize all of these moments like stills in my mind for those times when I am homesick in Ireland. I am wanting to hold on to these last few days in the lower mainland, cherish them. My dogsitting/housesitting all week in Whistler has been a bittersweet time as I love the people, food, landscape, and recreation that surrounds me here. It is a perfect reminder of all of the things I will be giving up for the next, oh, decade. Wish I knew what propelled this desire to keep moving forward. Sometimes it doesn't seem like I am moving forward, just constantly in a new direction.
Labels:
BC,
hiking,
Ireland,
Medical school,
Mountains,
Travel Nursing
Saturday, June 27, 2009
Woot!
Jerry's counter-counter offer was accepted yesterday!
Woot!
Economic downturn, schmeconomic downturn.
Woot!
Economic downturn, schmeconomic downturn.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Over, Counter Offer...
Jerry put an offer on a place in Squamish yesterday...they counter offered and he counter-counter offered. We find out tomorrow if they accepted.
Fingers crossed he gets it.
We spent the last 2 days house hunting (well...townhouse and condo hunting). Well not 'we' as in 'WE'...I was tagging along for comic relief and a 2nd opinion. Jerry knows I have no inside voice.
Looks like he'll be splitting his time between Ireland, Egypt, and Squamish. This I like.
Great spot to come home to on my summer visits!
:)
Fingers crossed he gets it.
We spent the last 2 days house hunting (well...townhouse and condo hunting). Well not 'we' as in 'WE'...I was tagging along for comic relief and a 2nd opinion. Jerry knows I have no inside voice.
Looks like he'll be splitting his time between Ireland, Egypt, and Squamish. This I like.
Great spot to come home to on my summer visits!
:)
Friday, June 12, 2009
Proust Questionnaire
I read this questionnaire, given to Dustin Hoffman in Vanity Fair. I ripped it out and have been carrying it around with me since November. Some of the questions are pretty basic but others I've revisited several times and thought quite a bit about.
What is your idea of perfect happiness?
Sitting down to a home cooked meal with friends or family and a really good bottle of wine (or two). A night when you enjoy the laughter and the silence equally. Watching people eat food I've prepared (and enjoy it) is one of the most satisfying things to see.
What is your greatest fear?
Making a mistake at work that harms someone in a way that is irreversible. Feeling responsible for a poor outcome.
Which living person do you most admire?
Tough to answer because I admire so many people for so many things...of living people that I know I think the answer is a toss up between my brother Russ and my mother. Of people that I don't know it is a tie between James Orbinski and Ishmael Beah.
What is your greatest extravagance?
Hahahah! Of where do I start??? Greatest of all? I suppose really good Champagne. All my other extravagances are a little more long lasting (but not much...).
What do you consider the most overrated virtue?
Toss up between restraint and tactfulness.
On what occasion do you lie?
When my mother asks me what my visa balance is.
What do you dislike most about your appearance?
For the first time in my life I actually feel pretty good about my appearance! I appreciate my body and the things it does for me now more than ever before. But if I had to pick one thing I suppose it is the backs of my arms...wish they were more ripped. Workin' on it.
Which living person do you most despise?
The instructor I had for third year clinical med/surg rotation. He not only was a bully but he had the most profound personality disorder I've ever come across. I could start listing politicians that I don't know personally but I think that would be boring. Oprah is also on my shit list right now for putting our population at risk by trotting out uninformed bimbettes like Suzanne Sommers and Jenny McCarthy to tell the world that vaccines are causing autism. Oprah you and the playboy bunnies don't know what you are talking about. Shut up.
What is the quality you most like in a man?
Wit. And humility.
What is the quality that you most like in a woman?
Intelligent enthusiasm.
Which words or phrases do you most overuse?
"Obviously". And "..." in emails.
What or who is the greatest love of your life?
The mountains of BC.
When and where were you happiest?
Travelling throughout India and Nepal with Ashley, Erin, and Jana in 1999. Closely followed by living in Revelstoke 2 years ago. Must say, right now I feel very happy and fortunate as well.
Which talent would you most like to have?
Wish I could paint.
If you could change one thing about yourself what would it be?
I would like to be able to go through life without comparing myself to others.
What do you consider your greatest achievement?
The show we put on for our CD release party at The Sidetrack. That and the actual CD. I am super proud of it.
What is your most treasured possession?
The little blobs of metal my granddad and I soldered together when I was 7. That, and his stethoscope.
What do you value most in your friends?
How down to earth they are. And how hilarious, loving, and genuinely supportive they are.
What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
Any memory of high school.
What is your favorite occupation?
Making food for people. And I also like making them feel better.
What is your most marked characteristic?
Let's ask our audience members?? Any comments? Hmmm...would be interesting to know that.
Indecisiveness? Hahahaah.
Who are your favorite writers?
Well, to qualify as a favorite writer I suppose I'd have to had read more than one of their books...so that discounts a lot of authors I respect greatly. So writers that have given me more than one great read include Oliver Sacks, Margaret Atwood, Shel Silverstein, Timothy Findlay, Kevin Patterson, Micheal Ondaatje, Douglas Adams...
Who is your favorite hero of fiction?
"P.K" from Bryce Courtenay's 'Power of One'.
Which historical figure do you most identify with?
Um...I don't identify with any known historical figure. For them to be a known historical figure they would have had to accomplish something outstanding. I have yet to pull off anything outstanding.
Who are your heroes in real life?
People who believe in meaningful work...people who make the best of their circumstances...people who are good parents.
What is your greatest regret?
Not believing in myself sooner.
What is your motto?
Eat (non-processed healthy food), drink (good wine or beer), and be merry (while you exercise) for tomorrow you may die.
What is your idea of perfect happiness?
Sitting down to a home cooked meal with friends or family and a really good bottle of wine (or two). A night when you enjoy the laughter and the silence equally. Watching people eat food I've prepared (and enjoy it) is one of the most satisfying things to see.
What is your greatest fear?
Making a mistake at work that harms someone in a way that is irreversible. Feeling responsible for a poor outcome.
Which living person do you most admire?
Tough to answer because I admire so many people for so many things...of living people that I know I think the answer is a toss up between my brother Russ and my mother. Of people that I don't know it is a tie between James Orbinski and Ishmael Beah.
What is your greatest extravagance?
Hahahah! Of where do I start??? Greatest of all? I suppose really good Champagne. All my other extravagances are a little more long lasting (but not much...).
What do you consider the most overrated virtue?
Toss up between restraint and tactfulness.
On what occasion do you lie?
When my mother asks me what my visa balance is.
What do you dislike most about your appearance?
For the first time in my life I actually feel pretty good about my appearance! I appreciate my body and the things it does for me now more than ever before. But if I had to pick one thing I suppose it is the backs of my arms...wish they were more ripped. Workin' on it.
Which living person do you most despise?
The instructor I had for third year clinical med/surg rotation. He not only was a bully but he had the most profound personality disorder I've ever come across. I could start listing politicians that I don't know personally but I think that would be boring. Oprah is also on my shit list right now for putting our population at risk by trotting out uninformed bimbettes like Suzanne Sommers and Jenny McCarthy to tell the world that vaccines are causing autism. Oprah you and the playboy bunnies don't know what you are talking about. Shut up.
What is the quality you most like in a man?
Wit. And humility.
What is the quality that you most like in a woman?
Intelligent enthusiasm.
Which words or phrases do you most overuse?
"Obviously". And "..." in emails.
What or who is the greatest love of your life?
The mountains of BC.
When and where were you happiest?
Travelling throughout India and Nepal with Ashley, Erin, and Jana in 1999. Closely followed by living in Revelstoke 2 years ago. Must say, right now I feel very happy and fortunate as well.
Which talent would you most like to have?
Wish I could paint.
If you could change one thing about yourself what would it be?
I would like to be able to go through life without comparing myself to others.
What do you consider your greatest achievement?
The show we put on for our CD release party at The Sidetrack. That and the actual CD. I am super proud of it.
What is your most treasured possession?
The little blobs of metal my granddad and I soldered together when I was 7. That, and his stethoscope.
What do you value most in your friends?
How down to earth they are. And how hilarious, loving, and genuinely supportive they are.
What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
Any memory of high school.
What is your favorite occupation?
Making food for people. And I also like making them feel better.
What is your most marked characteristic?
Let's ask our audience members?? Any comments? Hmmm...would be interesting to know that.
Indecisiveness? Hahahaah.
Who are your favorite writers?
Well, to qualify as a favorite writer I suppose I'd have to had read more than one of their books...so that discounts a lot of authors I respect greatly. So writers that have given me more than one great read include Oliver Sacks, Margaret Atwood, Shel Silverstein, Timothy Findlay, Kevin Patterson, Micheal Ondaatje, Douglas Adams...
Who is your favorite hero of fiction?
"P.K" from Bryce Courtenay's 'Power of One'.
Which historical figure do you most identify with?
Um...I don't identify with any known historical figure. For them to be a known historical figure they would have had to accomplish something outstanding. I have yet to pull off anything outstanding.
Who are your heroes in real life?
People who believe in meaningful work...people who make the best of their circumstances...people who are good parents.
What is your greatest regret?
Not believing in myself sooner.
What is your motto?
Eat (non-processed healthy food), drink (good wine or beer), and be merry (while you exercise) for tomorrow you may die.
Friday, June 5, 2009
Just Imagine...
...What it would be like if we could close our eyes, just for a moment...and when we opened them, all the happiness and light and beauty that cancer has taken away...was suddenly returned to our planet.
All the scars disappeared.
All the lines of worry and pain, smoothed.
All the hair grown back.
Bellies eager for food.
Families whole again, graduations attended, brides given away, first steps witnessed.
Just imagine.
All the scars disappeared.
All the lines of worry and pain, smoothed.
All the hair grown back.
Bellies eager for food.
Families whole again, graduations attended, brides given away, first steps witnessed.
Just imagine.
Friday, May 29, 2009
It's What's Under the Tweed
So Jerry and I are driving yesterday and somehow we got on the conversation about our 'stripper names'--you know, where you take your first pet's name and your mothers maiden name.
"Mine is decent, it's Fancy Taylor."
"Yeah, that is pretty good."
"I dated a guy once whose stripper name would have been, Waggles Moorehead...you can't really top that one."
"What about mine? It's Huxley Morse."
"Huxley Morse? I think that is the worst stripper name I've ever heard...it doesn't conjure anything sexy...sounds more like a Masterpiece Theater stripper name, or a stripper who wears tweed..."
"Yeah, but it's what's UNDER the tweed that counts baby."
There are some statements that a girl just can't argue with. There are also some statements that are so bizarre and hilarious one just has to write them down.
"Mine is decent, it's Fancy Taylor."
"Yeah, that is pretty good."
"I dated a guy once whose stripper name would have been, Waggles Moorehead...you can't really top that one."
"What about mine? It's Huxley Morse."
"Huxley Morse? I think that is the worst stripper name I've ever heard...it doesn't conjure anything sexy...sounds more like a Masterpiece Theater stripper name, or a stripper who wears tweed..."
"Yeah, but it's what's UNDER the tweed that counts baby."
There are some statements that a girl just can't argue with. There are also some statements that are so bizarre and hilarious one just has to write them down.
Saturday, May 23, 2009
Geographically Challenged
Many of you who know me can attest to the fact that there are times when I am geographically challenged. I blame this on my mother, of course. Mostly for not breast feeding me long enough (4 months) but also because she is very spacially/geographically challenged....no, geographically 'retarded' is a better word for it.
Today I added to "Revealing my Intellectual Achilles" list when I arrived at the gym. The woman who works the desk is very pleasant and we usually have a little banter before I head inside. Today she said to me, "Oh! what did you get up to today in this gorgeous sunshine?"
"Oh, my friend and I took her dog out to some lake and just had a nice picnic while the doggy played in the water...it was a beautiful spot!" I replied.
"Which lake did you go to?"
"You know, the one down the road that has the kayak rental place on it...not much of a beach but a few campsites..."
"Umm...that is the ocean, not a lake...this is an island remember??"
"Heh...right...island" as I think to myself--THAT is why the water level changed so much in the time we were there!!
She was very polite and proceeded to listed a bunch of lakes that are, in fact, in the area...
Yup. Another one to add to the list.
Washington DC, not in Washington...check.
Don't have to drive through downtown to get to Whistler from Vancouver...check.
When the water level of a 'lake' goes down dramatically in a few hours and you are on an island--you are probably staring at the ocean not a lake...check.
Today I added to "Revealing my Intellectual Achilles" list when I arrived at the gym. The woman who works the desk is very pleasant and we usually have a little banter before I head inside. Today she said to me, "Oh! what did you get up to today in this gorgeous sunshine?"
"Oh, my friend and I took her dog out to some lake and just had a nice picnic while the doggy played in the water...it was a beautiful spot!" I replied.
"Which lake did you go to?"
"You know, the one down the road that has the kayak rental place on it...not much of a beach but a few campsites..."
"Umm...that is the ocean, not a lake...this is an island remember??"
"Heh...right...island" as I think to myself--THAT is why the water level changed so much in the time we were there!!
She was very polite and proceeded to listed a bunch of lakes that are, in fact, in the area...
Yup. Another one to add to the list.
Washington DC, not in Washington...check.
Don't have to drive through downtown to get to Whistler from Vancouver...check.
When the water level of a 'lake' goes down dramatically in a few hours and you are on an island--you are probably staring at the ocean not a lake...check.
Monday, May 18, 2009
Day Off
I'm not going to lie. This past week and a half I've felt just a teansy bit lonely. It's been a while since I've gone on a travel contract and I've kind of forgotten what it is like.
My life has consisted of work and working out. Both of these are good things but neither take away from the loneliness that creeps in around the edges. Everyone I work with (with the exception of a couple social dropouts) has been very welcoming and warm. But people have their own lives and they are busy going 32 directions in them. I have pretty much 2 directions right now...across the street to work or down the street to the gym. Travel nurses like myself come and go, I probably wouldn't go out of my way to ask an agency nurse over to dinner or out for a walk with my dog either.
I've been lucky to have great roommates here at the hospital supplied housing, but we're all working long and/or opposite shifts and rarely see each other. I don't know, it's a weird life.
I just feel like I am always one little step out of sync with the world around me...from going back to school last year during pre req hell, to working casually in Whistler, to agency work, volunteer trip, now here...Not having any real roots makes no place home and no sanctuary I can really sink into. I am quite looking forward to staying put for a little while once I get to Ireland, carving out a little space for myself in the world. Don't get me wrong, I am happy! Life is good! I mean, really....who can complain when they get to watch bald eagles circling above as they eat their breakfast?

My life has consisted of work and working out. Both of these are good things but neither take away from the loneliness that creeps in around the edges. Everyone I work with (with the exception of a couple social dropouts) has been very welcoming and warm. But people have their own lives and they are busy going 32 directions in them. I have pretty much 2 directions right now...across the street to work or down the street to the gym. Travel nurses like myself come and go, I probably wouldn't go out of my way to ask an agency nurse over to dinner or out for a walk with my dog either.
I've been lucky to have great roommates here at the hospital supplied housing, but we're all working long and/or opposite shifts and rarely see each other. I don't know, it's a weird life.
I just feel like I am always one little step out of sync with the world around me...from going back to school last year during pre req hell, to working casually in Whistler, to agency work, volunteer trip, now here...Not having any real roots makes no place home and no sanctuary I can really sink into. I am quite looking forward to staying put for a little while once I get to Ireland, carving out a little space for myself in the world. Don't get me wrong, I am happy! Life is good! I mean, really....who can complain when they get to watch bald eagles circling above as they eat their breakfast?

(View this morning at breakfast...sorry about the window reflection...)
Saturday, May 9, 2009
Who Walk Among Us

I was tired this morning when my alarm went off at 0445h. I had to drive to the city to catch a 0750h flight and therefore didn't want to leave the house later than 0515h.
I hit the 'dismiss' option instead of 'snooze' on my phone and fell back asleep. I awoke just after five and raced around the house gathering up the last of my belongings, showering, and grabbing some toast for the road. Ugh! I realized I needed gas as well. Of course, when I am running late...
Zoomed into the quiet station and put 15$ in only to find I had locked my keys in my car.
Aghghg! Remembered my hatchback was unlocked. Sigh, ok, I can handle looking like an idiot to the gas station attendant for a few minutes vs missing my flight. Finally I got on the road, but I was pretty frazzled.
Going to a new contract always makes me a bit edgy...What will the staff be like? What is the housing going to be like? Is my roomie going to be a psycho-chain-smoking-television-blaring-messy-chews-with-mouth-open-racist? Will there be internet? Will there be soymilk in town? Will there be a gym in town?
So when I arrived at the airport I was not in the mood for the baggage lady to tell me my bag was 3 kilos overweight. I fought the urge to make a sarcastic remark about all of us probably being 3 kilos overweight. So there I was, the girl who has to open her suitcase for all to see, randomly pulling hefty objects out and stuffing them into a plastic bag (classy). Thankfully I didn't send a shower of tampons into the air or accidentally fling a pair of underwear at a baggage handler.
I was cursing Air Canada and the woman who kept calling me "ma'am".
Oh how I hate flying Air Canada.
And I hate all the little invasions of my personal space when I fly.
Take off my shoes? Undo my belt? Open my top button? Take out my toiletries bag? Really? Is this all really necessary? Sigh. Remember the good old days when you could fly with a leatherman on your belt and have toothpaste in your carry-on?
I was muttering to myself about my severe dislike for all-things-air-travel as the dude in front of me in the security line was completely faffing with this ridiculously large bouquet of flowers.
Finally got to the gate and sat down for a few minutes before having to board.
My flight arrived on the island and we then waited for about 45 minutes for a shuttle to take us across the inlet on a ferry to the town. Yawwnnnnnnnn. Sleepy. Hungry. Cranky.
A taxi stopped to give me a ride to the hospital. The driver was a middle aged Vietnamese man, very pleasant and upbeat, waving and smiling at people as we drove through town. He laughed when I asked him if he knew where I was staying,
"25 years in a 4 mile radius town you know where everything is!"
Right. Good point.
So I asked him how he had ended up here of all random places in the country to be, it didn't seem like a place that would jump out at someone immigrating to Canada.
He said, "have you heard of the boat people?"
I scanned my thoughts wondering if admitting that would seem racist, I had assumed that term was only used in a derogatory sense.
"Ummm yeah...you mean people that escaped Vietnam and came on boats to North America?"
"Yes, that was me and my sister. I was 16, she was 14. Our boat ran out of gas in international waters and it took 7 days for a US coast guard to find us, there were 49 of us on the boat. They brought us to their ship and people were given the choice of moving to Canada or US. I chose Canada and was sent here, neither my sister or I spoke a word of English. I started out washing dishes in a restaurant, getting the waitresses to teach me English. Now I have the good life."
I asked him if anyone died on his voyage. He told me that they had been 2 days without food and water when they were rescued, that two children had almost died but ended up surviving. I told him he should write a book about his life, his bravery, his story. He said, "no, that journey brings up too many sad memories". And that was that, he popped the trunk and was soon on his way.
I've thought about our conversation all afternoon. Here was this man who survived a very dangerous voyage to a completely unknown land. When he arrived he had no money, no education, and couldn't speak the language.
And here was I. Cranky at having to suffer the inconveniences of air travel. I wasn't leaving my family behind on a dangerous journey where I'd arrive and not know how I'd get food in my belly or a roof over my head.
I am glad this man held a mirror up to my irritations of the day. I am glad I got to see how my day of travel compares to some of the travels that have been endured by the people around me. How truly fortunate I am in my comfortable life. People who will never whisper a word of it to me, stories I will never know. I like being reminded that sometimes I should stop to consider what chain of events have brought us each to the place we're at. That perhaps I could never know in a thousand lifetimes the experiences of others. And how thankful I should be that my 'humiliations' only include locking my keys in the car and having to take off my shoes to show a hole in my sock.
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Babes having Babies
Ok so I have been majorly wrapped up in all this silly drama about finances etc. which has kept me from reporting that two of my dear friends have just had babies!
AMG and Ryan had little Nicholas on the 14th of April (thank you for that easy to remember date!) Word on the street is he's moved out of the squeaking/sleeping phase and has found his lungs. To think, when I met that girl she was husbandless and childless...my how things change in a short amount of time! What always amazes me is my friends' abilities to transition so casually into these brilliant parents who have wonderful children. I am sure my babies would be these wild feral creatures, walking around with a little stick on their shoulder, handkerchief of belongings secured to one end--just like their mother. Tobin seems to be taking the big brother role like a champ as well, which is great. It was really nice to get to spend some time with the Gill's on the days leading up to and after the arrival of the initially nameless one.
AnnaB and Luc...and baby Max. Where to start?? I think it is best to read the ordeal they've been through in their own words. They've set up a great blog documenting Max's birth story.
In a nutshell, I am sure it has been the most incredible emotional roller coaster of their lives, only now settling down to normalized concerns like diaper-changing technique and when Max gets to have his next bath. Again I am in awe of my friends and their capacity to be strong and supportive to each other in such a time of crisis. Anna and Luc are so rock solid it is unbelievable. Max is adorable, not to mention the biggest, healthiest baby I have ever seen in a NICU. It was so nice to get to spend a wee bit of time with them yesterday as they regaled to me their past week and a half of upheavals and triumphs. As I heard about the meconium, the chest tube, and Anna's complications, my heart went out to them--but also the medical staff as well.
When births go badly in rural settings it is nothing short of terrifying for the staff involved. I can speak with a tiny bit of experience on that one. I am happy to hear that Anna and Luc have nothing but very positive things to say about the care they received all along the way.
And so, it must be said that it is wonderful to see babies brought into the world, arriving into the arms of such loving, intelligent, funny, caring, worldy, talented parents. I am so happy for them and proud of what amazing people I get to call--friends.
AMG and Ryan had little Nicholas on the 14th of April (thank you for that easy to remember date!) Word on the street is he's moved out of the squeaking/sleeping phase and has found his lungs. To think, when I met that girl she was husbandless and childless...my how things change in a short amount of time! What always amazes me is my friends' abilities to transition so casually into these brilliant parents who have wonderful children. I am sure my babies would be these wild feral creatures, walking around with a little stick on their shoulder, handkerchief of belongings secured to one end--just like their mother. Tobin seems to be taking the big brother role like a champ as well, which is great. It was really nice to get to spend some time with the Gill's on the days leading up to and after the arrival of the initially nameless one.
AnnaB and Luc...and baby Max. Where to start?? I think it is best to read the ordeal they've been through in their own words. They've set up a great blog documenting Max's birth story.
In a nutshell, I am sure it has been the most incredible emotional roller coaster of their lives, only now settling down to normalized concerns like diaper-changing technique and when Max gets to have his next bath. Again I am in awe of my friends and their capacity to be strong and supportive to each other in such a time of crisis. Anna and Luc are so rock solid it is unbelievable. Max is adorable, not to mention the biggest, healthiest baby I have ever seen in a NICU. It was so nice to get to spend a wee bit of time with them yesterday as they regaled to me their past week and a half of upheavals and triumphs. As I heard about the meconium, the chest tube, and Anna's complications, my heart went out to them--but also the medical staff as well.
When births go badly in rural settings it is nothing short of terrifying for the staff involved. I can speak with a tiny bit of experience on that one. I am happy to hear that Anna and Luc have nothing but very positive things to say about the care they received all along the way.
And so, it must be said that it is wonderful to see babies brought into the world, arriving into the arms of such loving, intelligent, funny, caring, worldy, talented parents. I am so happy for them and proud of what amazing people I get to call--friends.
Monday, April 27, 2009
Cap in Hand
So I really have no idea how I am going to put myself through medical school.
I have just gotten the big "sorry we can't help you" from another couple of agencies which I was hoping would give me some funding for school...
I can't get return of service agreements with the northern territories because I am not a northern territory resident (even though the majority of my work in the last 4 years has been in Nunavut and the NWT I don't have a mailing address North of 60 and therefore, don't qualify).
Can't get return of service funding in my province of residence because--guess what? You have to be attending a Canadian school for that.
No funding from the Canadian forces for same reason as above.
Hmmm...well...lets see...is there a massive demand for doctors in rural settings in Canada?
Yes.
Is there a massive demand for doctors in the disadvantaged populations groups?
Yes.
Is there a massive demand for doctors in the Canadian Forces right now?
Yes.
Is anyone able to think outside the box in terms of providing funding to Canadians who are studying abroad and would like to return and work in these settings?
Nope.
My line of credit is going to fall about $40 000 dollars short to cover my tuition costs (yeah, that is right, just the tuition...never mind the books, cost of living, travel home).
I don't have a spouse that can support me or some random property in the Baja I can sell.
Really feeling like I am at a loss right now. In more ways than one.
Believe me I've considered diamond running and selling a few of my eggs (as I have no plans for them)...any other suggestions would be welcome.
I have just gotten the big "sorry we can't help you" from another couple of agencies which I was hoping would give me some funding for school...
I can't get return of service agreements with the northern territories because I am not a northern territory resident (even though the majority of my work in the last 4 years has been in Nunavut and the NWT I don't have a mailing address North of 60 and therefore, don't qualify).
Can't get return of service funding in my province of residence because--guess what? You have to be attending a Canadian school for that.
No funding from the Canadian forces for same reason as above.
Hmmm...well...lets see...is there a massive demand for doctors in rural settings in Canada?
Yes.
Is there a massive demand for doctors in the disadvantaged populations groups?
Yes.
Is there a massive demand for doctors in the Canadian Forces right now?
Yes.
Is anyone able to think outside the box in terms of providing funding to Canadians who are studying abroad and would like to return and work in these settings?
Nope.
My line of credit is going to fall about $40 000 dollars short to cover my tuition costs (yeah, that is right, just the tuition...never mind the books, cost of living, travel home).
I don't have a spouse that can support me or some random property in the Baja I can sell.
Really feeling like I am at a loss right now. In more ways than one.
Believe me I've considered diamond running and selling a few of my eggs (as I have no plans for them)...any other suggestions would be welcome.
Monday, April 20, 2009
Nothing Is Sacred
I couldn't help it...John sent me this email today and it is by far the funniest thing I've received as a result of my recent acceptance to medical school.
I had to post it.
Sorry John.
Nothing is sacred...(The funniest part is I almost look like I almost have a smile on my face or like I am humming "hum de hum de hum...I love ironing my man's shirts for him....hum de hum"!) Here is the email:
...you missed a wrinkle....
I had to post it.
Sorry John.
Nothing is sacred...(The funniest part is I almost look like I almost have a smile on my face or like I am humming "hum de hum de hum...I love ironing my man's shirts for him....hum de hum"!) Here is the email:
yeah baby!!!
'bout friggin time eh?
finally an admissions crew with a head on their shoulders...well done! (you should get your SAS qualifications while you're at it)
Ireland is sooo much cooler than some island in the baking sun.
but don't get ahead of yourself...'cuz you'll always have people to remind you who.....you REALLY are!!!! (see incriminating photo below...)
Labels:
Ireland,
MD school,
Pure Comedy,
school applications
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Goodbye Beautiful Friend
My apologies for all the double postings lately. Seems lately the theme in my life is living and dying--and the gray area that exists within those definitions. It is not a theme I want to run from, it is memories, experiences, and perspectives I am trying to learn from.
This week was the anniversary of my fathers death. Then, my first shift back at work ended up becoming a chaotic mix of emotions when a young woman arrested in front of me and we spent almost 2 hours resuscitating her.
And finally, I returned to Victoria just in time to say one last goodbye to Jody before she took her final breath.
Of course all of these events have shone light on my beliefs about mortality---as well as quality of life and death. I am sure all of this forced introspection will stir up a few postings soon. In the meantime, I'm going to enjoy the rain.
This week was the anniversary of my fathers death. Then, my first shift back at work ended up becoming a chaotic mix of emotions when a young woman arrested in front of me and we spent almost 2 hours resuscitating her.
And finally, I returned to Victoria just in time to say one last goodbye to Jody before she took her final breath.
Of course all of these events have shone light on my beliefs about mortality---as well as quality of life and death. I am sure all of this forced introspection will stir up a few postings soon. In the meantime, I'm going to enjoy the rain.
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Props to Pops
This Friday marks the anniversary of my dad's death in 2002. For me this year will be a bit sadder than most. My dad would have been over the moon had he been alive to see me start medical school. Many of the folks on his side of the family never even completed high school let alone university.
I had a few random things in a bag I brought with me from storage when I last moved. And I mean random...plunger for French press, old camera, greeting cards, mesh bag, mail, incense... and as I sorted though--a photo of my dad and I on his ride-a-mower when I was about 4 emerged. This photo floated out of my stack of paperwork and landed on the table. I had completely forgotten about it-- most of my photos are in storage about 900kms away.
I stared at it for a while then tacked it up on my fridge. I realised that his death day is tomorrow and that he died not knowing I'd reach my goal of medical school. Hadn't pieced that reality together yet. After losing a parent it seems all victories become somewhat bittersweet because that tender spot inevitably gets reactivated with each triumph. Our parents are the only people in the world that genuinely care when we succeed or when we fail. Our accomplishments to them are uncomplicated in ways that cannot be with a spouse or friends.
Many people say to me "oh, your father knows what you are up to" but honestly, I don't know if I believe that. I think (if there is an afterlife) it will be so unimaginably wonderful that our souls will be preoccupied with much more important things than hanging around earth to see if our living offspring become doctors or not. I know my father was very proud of who I was even when I was just a punk-assed 22 year old. I think a part of my wishing he were around to see me off in May stems from my desire to show him "See dad! You and mom done good!" Giving me the chance to say thank you for eating my watery scrambled eggs, letting me put rollers in your hair, and tolerating the boyfriends who wore trench coats.
It all worked out in the end Dad.
Thank you.
I hope you're riding some cosmic wave or fishing off a plentiful dock with Cubby right now.
I had a few random things in a bag I brought with me from storage when I last moved. And I mean random...plunger for French press, old camera, greeting cards, mesh bag, mail, incense... and as I sorted though--a photo of my dad and I on his ride-a-mower when I was about 4 emerged. This photo floated out of my stack of paperwork and landed on the table. I had completely forgotten about it-- most of my photos are in storage about 900kms away.
I stared at it for a while then tacked it up on my fridge. I realised that his death day is tomorrow and that he died not knowing I'd reach my goal of medical school. Hadn't pieced that reality together yet. After losing a parent it seems all victories become somewhat bittersweet because that tender spot inevitably gets reactivated with each triumph. Our parents are the only people in the world that genuinely care when we succeed or when we fail. Our accomplishments to them are uncomplicated in ways that cannot be with a spouse or friends.
Many people say to me "oh, your father knows what you are up to" but honestly, I don't know if I believe that. I think (if there is an afterlife) it will be so unimaginably wonderful that our souls will be preoccupied with much more important things than hanging around earth to see if our living offspring become doctors or not. I know my father was very proud of who I was even when I was just a punk-assed 22 year old. I think a part of my wishing he were around to see me off in May stems from my desire to show him "See dad! You and mom done good!" Giving me the chance to say thank you for eating my watery scrambled eggs, letting me put rollers in your hair, and tolerating the boyfriends who wore trench coats.
It all worked out in the end Dad.
Thank you.
I hope you're riding some cosmic wave or fishing off a plentiful dock with Cubby right now.
Friday, February 13, 2009
And Now...for Something Completely Different
It appears that 'ohtannin' has been getting more traffic than usual lately...weird. I'm not even putting tag lines like "large breasted women" or "AC Cobra" in any of my posts. (Woot! Let the raw data appear now!!!) Regardless, it appears that it is time for a life update on here as things are about to make a 180.
Last week I received 5 reject letters from the Canadian schools that I applied to--including Calgary. Initially I was really quite frustrated and sad by this. There was a lot of "what do they want then???" being yelled at the sky. Well, there were a few expletives in there also...but after the wave of cussing and tiny fist shaking, I realised this meant I was moving to the Caribbean. And that is not such a bad thing I suppose! It's 20 months on the island, then 72 weeks of clinical rotations, which can be divided in the UK/USA or USA--with the possibility of 12 weeks in Canada (yay!).
Evidently 2007-08 in Canada was the worst year for international medical graduate (IMG) residency rates in over 20 years (6%) which means that there is a fairly large chance that I will have to do my residency in the USA. This I am okay with, but it means that depending on my specialty of choice I could be away from Canada for the next 9 years. 9 YEARS!!!! That is starting to seem like a long time! That is me being gone "for my 30's". Is that crazy? That is a substantial amount of weddings, births, birthdays, pot lucks, swimming competitions, football games, first steps, and Settlers of Catan games that I am going to miss out on! :(
Well, I am on this track now and there is no way I am going to get off after all the sweat, tears, and cash I spilled to get to this point. When a goal is so far off you can barely see it, it is no wonder that the implications of attaining it are fuzzy--the realities are blurred until you get there.
And so, with 2.5 months left in Canada, it is going to be a scramble of stocking up on my favorite things (Yogi tea and Denman Island chocolate) and saying goodbye to friends and family. Oh and skiing. And working. And getting a temporary resident card and a new passport. And packing.
Last week I received 5 reject letters from the Canadian schools that I applied to--including Calgary. Initially I was really quite frustrated and sad by this. There was a lot of "what do they want then???" being yelled at the sky. Well, there were a few expletives in there also...but after the wave of cussing and tiny fist shaking, I realised this meant I was moving to the Caribbean. And that is not such a bad thing I suppose! It's 20 months on the island, then 72 weeks of clinical rotations, which can be divided in the UK/USA or USA--with the possibility of 12 weeks in Canada (yay!).
Evidently 2007-08 in Canada was the worst year for international medical graduate (IMG) residency rates in over 20 years (6%) which means that there is a fairly large chance that I will have to do my residency in the USA. This I am okay with, but it means that depending on my specialty of choice I could be away from Canada for the next 9 years. 9 YEARS!!!! That is starting to seem like a long time! That is me being gone "for my 30's". Is that crazy? That is a substantial amount of weddings, births, birthdays, pot lucks, swimming competitions, football games, first steps, and Settlers of Catan games that I am going to miss out on! :(
Well, I am on this track now and there is no way I am going to get off after all the sweat, tears, and cash I spilled to get to this point. When a goal is so far off you can barely see it, it is no wonder that the implications of attaining it are fuzzy--the realities are blurred until you get there.
And so, with 2.5 months left in Canada, it is going to be a scramble of stocking up on my favorite things (Yogi tea and Denman Island chocolate) and saying goodbye to friends and family. Oh and skiing. And working. And getting a temporary resident card and a new passport. And packing.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Another January in Blogville
I just realised that today is the 2 year anniversary of "ohtanninbound"! For some reason this not-even-remotely-auspicious day causes me to reflect on the past 2 years. Reminds me that 2 years ago I was in Iqaluit and hadn't even started the journey to medical school. One year ago I was in the thick of things, in prerequisite hell, with still another semester, an MCAT, and summer session yet to be completed. Thankfully that part of my existence is behind me. As my friend Kate told me last August--just write "2007-2008" and draw a giant line through it, it was a write off...don't think about it. Which for the most part was true. There was a lot of stress but there was still some great highlights like the trip to Europe, the small amount of time I actually got to spend in Revelstoke, the Valhallas hike, my road bike...
Today I slept waaaaay in. So much so that it makes me wonder "what the hell is wrong with me?" Every time I'd open my eyes I'd see the large snowflakes landing on the trees outside, finally after over a week without snow. It is one of my favorite sights, and it caused me to smile a little to myself and fall back asleep.
I continue to be in limbo while I wait for my place here in Mountain Town, dividing my time between the Stephen/Kara house and the Jerry/Francesca/Isabelle house. Working in two different ER departments, in two different health regions. One ER is the typical population with the usual woes found there: abdominal pain, drug seekers, chest pains, sore throats, and lots of elderly people admitted to the hospital stuck in the ED.
The other ER sees the casualties you'd expect find at the bottom of a mountain that has 20-30 000 people skiing/snowboarding on it during a busy day: crazy fractures, traumas, lacerations, head injuries, sore joints...and a smattering of the aforementioned presentations.
I move into my quaint little one bedroom in a couple of weeks. I cannot wait to officially unpack my duffel bag until September. 10 months of couch surfing is simply too long.
On the recreation front, the skiing this year has been...mediocre at best. The best snow so far was in Revelstoke after Christmas. So instead, I've been keeping myself busy by hanging around the climbing gym and attempting to boulder (I suck), getting back in to yoga (I was flexible once), and counting down the minutes on the elliptical (thank you meniscus that is keeping me from running). So it has been a bit frustrating. But I have to just keep reminding myself...the hardest part about sports is getting back into it. I just have to suck it up for the next 6 weeks or so and then I won't feel like the kid who gets picked last in gym class.
But as I write this, the snow continues to fall...so maybe...there is a ski season left to be salvaged after all.
Next week the letters for Canadian med school interviews come out...I start the mailbox vigil sometime mid Feb. I'll try and not think obsessively only about those letters. Cross your fingers for me...Calgary....Calgary....Calgary...
Today I slept waaaaay in. So much so that it makes me wonder "what the hell is wrong with me?" Every time I'd open my eyes I'd see the large snowflakes landing on the trees outside, finally after over a week without snow. It is one of my favorite sights, and it caused me to smile a little to myself and fall back asleep.
I continue to be in limbo while I wait for my place here in Mountain Town, dividing my time between the Stephen/Kara house and the Jerry/Francesca/Isabelle house. Working in two different ER departments, in two different health regions. One ER is the typical population with the usual woes found there: abdominal pain, drug seekers, chest pains, sore throats, and lots of elderly people admitted to the hospital stuck in the ED.
The other ER sees the casualties you'd expect find at the bottom of a mountain that has 20-30 000 people skiing/snowboarding on it during a busy day: crazy fractures, traumas, lacerations, head injuries, sore joints...and a smattering of the aforementioned presentations.
I move into my quaint little one bedroom in a couple of weeks. I cannot wait to officially unpack my duffel bag until September. 10 months of couch surfing is simply too long.
On the recreation front, the skiing this year has been...mediocre at best. The best snow so far was in Revelstoke after Christmas. So instead, I've been keeping myself busy by hanging around the climbing gym and attempting to boulder (I suck), getting back in to yoga (I was flexible once), and counting down the minutes on the elliptical (thank you meniscus that is keeping me from running). So it has been a bit frustrating. But I have to just keep reminding myself...the hardest part about sports is getting back into it. I just have to suck it up for the next 6 weeks or so and then I won't feel like the kid who gets picked last in gym class.
But as I write this, the snow continues to fall...so maybe...there is a ski season left to be salvaged after all.
Next week the letters for Canadian med school interviews come out...I start the mailbox vigil sometime mid Feb. I'll try and not think obsessively only about those letters. Cross your fingers for me...Calgary....Calgary....Calgary...
Friday, January 9, 2009
In A Word
Normally I try and avoid yahoo "news" stories but I stumbled upon this article today. I usually abhor the onslaught of "End of the Year" lists and "Top Ten" type articles that surface in January...but I will admit...there were some real gems in this piece. It cracked everyone in my house up, so I figured it was 'blogworthy' (my own word for 2008).
My favorites on the list for "Word of the Year 2008" according to Macquarie Dictionary include:
Oh and John, you are not allowed to make any comments which may draw parallels to my travel style and any of the above definitions. :)
My favorites on the list for "Word of the Year 2008" according to Macquarie Dictionary include:
- bromance
- (say 'brohmans)
noun Colloquial a non-sexual but intense friendship between two males. [bro + (ro)mance1]
- fanta pants
- (say 'fantuh pants)
noun Originally British Colloquial a person whose hair is naturally red. [from the orange-coloured soft drink Fanta + pants, with reference to pubic hair as the indicator of hair colour]
- flashpacker
- (say 'flashpakuh)
noun Colloquial a backpacker who travels in relative luxury. [flash(y) + (back)packer]
--flashpacking, noun
- fur child
- say 'fer chuyld)
noun Colloquial a pet animal, as a cat or dog, treated as one would a child.
Oh and John, you are not allowed to make any comments which may draw parallels to my travel style and any of the above definitions. :)
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