Fine then, be that way Canada

I am super pissed right now at the Canadian medical system. Probably even more pissed than the two times I went through the application process to get INTO medical school in Canada (and wasn't even interviewed).

On Asystole I eluded to the CaRMS meeting we had last week with regards to returning to Canada to complete our residencies once we're medical graduates.

I feel seriously betrayed by the Canadian medical education system and their completely myopic approach to solving the horrendous shortage of MD's in Canada.

First off...I am a resident in BC and AB. My family lives in AB and my friends (and lifestyle of choice) is found in BC. So it would seem logical that I want to return to one of those places if I'd like to have a residency there. Yeah, not an option. My third choice was Quebec because Tobie is Quebecois and we'd like to go there together as he's moving back there in 2 years once he's done his program here. Strike three.

I CAN'T ACTUALLY APPLY to any of those three provinces for residency. Why you ask? Because if you are an IMG (international med grad) you have to have *permission* to apply to those provinces for Residency (when I say 'Residency' I am referring to the post-grad training you have to do in order to develop your specialty in Canada...you don't just graduate with MD and start working in a clinic the next day). To gain this great privilege you have to have written all of the qualifying exams that foreign doctors have to write, and you have to have passed them. Fine, I get that. BUT you have to do that AFTER you graduate which means I will graduate in the summer and then have to wait until Sept or Nov to write the exams and since I wont be done all of the exams until the CARMS intake is closed for that year I will have to SIT ON MY ASS for an entire year waiting for the next match with all of my passing grades. Plus Quebec has the added barrier which is you have to LIVE there for a year before you can apply for *permission* to be a Resident.

Which would be fine if I had money. Then I could travel the world, take my yoga instructor course, play mandolin all day long, etc. However I will be a QUARTER OF A MILLION DOLLARS in debt when I am done school which means that I will have thousands of dollars of payments to make each month while also observing my total debt rise with the unpaid chunk still accumulating interest. Yes, because most of my tuition was paid for by a LINE OF CREDIT not a STUDENT LOAN.

Screw you Canada.

So my options are Ontario (5 year return of service), Sask (7 year ROS), NFLD (3 year ROS) or Manitoba. If I actually choose a specialty I will be free from Ontario when I am 44 years old. Yeah, that is 14 years from now.

All because I wanted to be a doctor.

If I had known then what I know now...I can definitely say I would have done SOOOO many things differently.

Like stayed a nurse for one.
Reapplied in Canada for two.
Applied in the US for medical school for three.

Also, guess what, I don't want to be a plastic surgeon living in TO doing boob jobs all day. I actually want to work in underserviced areas and as a volunteer overseas. Where is the support from the government? From the medical schools to promote physicians who want to serve RURAL communities?

Grrrrrrr...... *snaps pencil in half*

Diagnosis Wenckebach

Cheap as Chips

Tobie and I have been savoring these last few days of freedom before the great education thrust begins again. I am back to school tomorrow and am pretty excited about the new start but also slightly dreading the immediate loss-of-having-a-life that comes with it.

We're both poor, and that isn't fun. But we've figured out low budget ways to enjoy our pauper-dom.

Right now I am on the 10 year window shopping plan. We go to these lovely grocery stores, artisan boutiques, art galleries and I pick out all the things I'm buying and then say "I'll be back in 10 years to pick those up".

At the liquor store which is only a 40 min walk away, they sell these mini bottles of wine (not half litres, they are actually 300mL) at the bargain price of 3 for 5 Euro. We make a large batch of popcorn, walk to the liquor store, get our three minis, and go to the movies (about another 10 mins walk). Flash the student cards and voilà! it is a cheap night at the movies, with wine.

I am getting groceries on-line these days. That has significantly improved my quality of life. When you don't have a car, bike, or reliable bus service you have to somehow get to and fro your closest grocery store (2.6 km away). I know that doesn't sound far but when you have to carry them back (and you're not a masochist like AMG) it is not fun. Plus you don't want to buy heavy things like vegetables and fruits and beans...you want to buy pringles and twinkies because of their weight. Turns out, healthy things are heavy things. Who knew? I guess the Northern stores...

This week our patient has chronic heart disease. I am going to hit the 'Rapid Interpretation EKG' book for a few hours while Tobie practices. Life marches on. 

Talkin' Bout A Resolution

I looked back on last January's posts in the hopes of finding some resolution list but alas I bucked the trend last year as well. I always pretend that I have transcended resolutions but that is not really the case, it's more that I am either too lazy or too non-committal to actually follow through on any of them. So I don't bother.

Losing weight or getting in shape is often on people's lists, and like many women I always feel like I would be happy to see some changes with my body. Last year I got into probably the best shape of my life (it's all relative remember--when I look at some of my homegirls I feel like I should be on an intervention television show for fatties) as I trained for my Himalayan trip. I really didn't want to be sucking wind in the mountains trying to keep up with what I imagined would be a bunch of type-A-rugged-outdoorsy-altruistic-medical people. I ran, biked, and hiked all summer and damnnnnn! I was feeling good.

Then I ate myself into a stupor everyday for a month in India (the only comfort when you are living in a tent for a month--is food). I came back 10 lbs heavier and definitely not in the shape I left in.
I came back really discouraged and doughy. I basically felt sorry for myself and my transient lifestyle that was "keeping me from getting back into shape" (what I was telling myself as an excuse).

Then in February I went to visit my good friend Jody who was dying of cancer. This beautiful woman who was the picture of health not 6 months earlier was now conducting business as a bald, eyebrow-less fireball from her bed in hospice. After that first visit I drove home feeling greatly inspired by her grit, tenacity, and bravery (I still am inspired by her on a daily basis by the way).

I finally saw how I wasn't doing everything in my power to improve how I felt about myself, I wasn't doing everything in my power to make the most out of my healthy, capable body. Jody was a young woman dying of cancer and every single day she did what she could to be as strong as possible, and as happy as possible. I decided I would use her to remind me of all the things I needed to be grateful for and that every time I got the chance to skip, dance, jump, run I would do so in honor of her--knowing that if she could have, she would have been there beside me. And also that I would remember her short life every time I got really down over something as superficial and stupid as gaining a few pounds or seeing a dimple of cellulite. As she lay dying she never said that she wished she'd been able to run farther or lift heavier weights. She would have been thrilled to live another day even though she couldn't even walk anymore.

So I am reminding myself, this New Years about what I really want to have as my resolutions. And also asking myself, what is the motivation behind these resolutions??

• I will take all the opportunities I can to be active, even if it just means going for a walk with Tobie after dinner.  Why? Because I can. Because I am healthy and able and there is no excuse for not being as physically healthy as possible. I am never going to be a world-class climber, ace skier, or competitive runner but I want to be able to do the things I enjoy for as long as possible and that means continually laying down the groundwork. I will also have this commitment because my sleeping and thinking improve when I am physically active. 

• I will practice mandolin at least 4 times a week for a minimum of 20 mins.  Why? Because there is more to life than memorizing clotting cascades and someday I am going to be in the real world again and in that real world I will want to be playing music with my friends. I also feel the need to use other areas of my brain besides the 'rote memory' section.
  

• I will force Tobie to speak French with me at for at least 30 mins every night. Why? Because if I am going to get a residency in Quebec I have to dazzle them with my fluency. 

• I will continue to do yoga at least 5 times a week--even if it is only a 20 min session. Why? See reason one.  And because it feels good. And because I want to be one of those 80 year old ladies at the drop in classes that can bend herself into a pretzel and blow the 20 somethings minds. 

• I will waste less time on FB.  Why? Because there is more to life than sitting, slack-jawed in front of my computer staring at bar photos of people I went to high school with.

• I will be happier with the way I look. Why? Because it takes a lot of emotional energy to constantly berate myself for not being thinner, stronger, faster.  Today my pilates instructor actually said to me when I was talking to her about this other class she teaches "oh don't go to the intro class, you're obviously in good shape and in training, just come to the class". I was shocked and flattered.  When I look in the mirror all I see is the sins, none of the discipline. If someone like her makes a remark like that to me I should take it to heart and believe it! You're obviously in shape?? Ok! Yeah! I am! Woot! 

• I will spend more time writing, whether it is rambles on this blog, or posts on Asystole. Why? Because the only way to get better at something is to practice practice practice. If I am ever going to be serious about writing it is not going to suddenly happen over night. I need to be disciplined about it.

• I will stop comparing myself to others at all times. Why? Because it makes me feel bad. In school it is pointless to compare myself because I know about the real-world truths about good doctors...they weren't necessarily the top of their class. I will be a good doctor just like I was a good nurse. Not acing the anatomy spotter does not equal being doomed to becoming a bad doctor. 

• I will endeavor to remind myself of the fact that I spent the last few years of my life with the sole goal of getting into medical school. Now I am here, I better make the best of it. Why? Because I already feel myself counting down the minutes until I am done medical school/residency/paying off my student loans. I don't want to always have my head space be in the place I am moving toward. I am studying what I love, I am in love, and life is good. So stop whining Sullivan. 

Phew! I didn't think that list was going to be so damn long. Maybe I should post it on my wall as a constant reminder. 

So here's to another year of surprises, growth, and change. May this year be as enriching as the past 29.